This week's portion focuses on Yitro, the father-in-law of Moses. Rashi, the foremost commentator of the Torah, states that the Torah calls him Yitro, which comes from the word Yeter, "addition," to indicate that when he converted and fulfilled the commandments, a letter was added to his name. Rashi, as well as the Midrash (Sifri Behaalotecha 10:29), also states that Yitro's name alludes to the idea that a whole section of the Torah was "added" in his merit, when he said "You should choose from the nation worthy men who fear G-d." [Shemot 18:21]" The essential idea behind Yitro's name seems to be the idea of "adding."
When faced with the greatness of others, there are two possible reactions: you can either add or you can subtract. One reaction is to be jealous and to want to put the other person down. ("Why should he/she be better than me?). The second reaction is to look internally, and try to improve ourselves by emulating the other ("I should try to be more like him/her"). This second idea is also a kind of jealousy, but a good jealousy, called kinat sofrim (the jealousy of scholars).
We see this "jealousy of scholars" found even among our matriarchs, such as in the story of Rachel who wanted to have the merit of raising the Tribes of Israel, like her sister Leah. This idea of "adding" is also present in Yosef's name, in which Rachel said "The Lord shall add to me another son.” (Genesis 30, 22-24)
As Rabbi Schochet explains, Yitro's reaction to the miracles that God performed for the Jewish people represents the exact opposite of Amalek's reaction. When Yitro heard of the miracles, he rushed to join the Jewish people; when Amalek heard about them, they rushed to fight the Jews. In fact, one of the events that brought Yitro to Judaism was exactly the war the Jews fought against Amalek.
The common saying, "if you can't beat'em join'em," is almost correct. A better saying would be, "don't even try to beat'em, join'em." But in order to fulfill this, we must have humility. Yitro was a reknowned and accomplished priest in Midian. He gave it all up, and humbly joined the Jewish people.
Perhaps the best of example of this humility is also in this week's portion, when Moshe, the most humble of men, listens to Yitro's advice mentioned above. This alludes to the second meaning of Yitro's "adding," as stated in the Midrash. Even though Moses had a direct line to God, and had good reason for what he was doing (after all, he knew it was important for all people to interact with the Tzadik of the generation), nevertheless he was willing to listen to the advice and constructive criticism of others. Not only did Moses listen, he accepted Yitro's suggestion and changed his ways.
There's a story about the Alter Rebbe that is related to these ideas. It involves a child who wanted to be taller than another, and decided to push the taller child into a small hole. The Rebbe told the child that this was not the correct path. In order to reach the heights of others, you have to elevate yourself...
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov also alludes to these concepts when he discusses one of the reasons for disagreements and disputes. When entering into a discussion (even a friendly one), we often prevent ourselves from truly listening (and learning) from the other side due to our desire to "win" the discussion. The source of this desire is good. It comes from the Kabbalistic attribute of "Netzach" (Victory).
Netzach is the attribute associated primarily with Moses. In order to correctly use the attribute of Netzach, we have to be humble like him.
Finally, the fourth Rebbe of Lubavitch, the Rebbe Maharash, gave a rule to one of his followers that also encompasses these ideas: "Whenever you see some faults in another person, know that you have these same faults in yourself. The good features that you see in others you should adopt for yourself. Remember the Baal Shem Tov's view of hashgachah pratis: If G-d arranges things so that at a certain time you happen to meet a certain person, this happens for a specific purpose. Everyone must be a teacher so that others may learn from him. If one does not believe in this, he is a heretic (G-d forbid)." For the story behind this teaching, click here.
May we all have the merit to add and not subtract. May it be not only when we experience the greatness of others or when we are given criticism (especially when it comes to our parents, who usually always give the best advice), but in every single encounter we have. Everything, absolutely everything comes from God.
On the topic of respecting our parents, as we listen the Ten Commandments this Shabat, let us strive to fulfill them to the max, and yet not be discouraged if we fall short at times. We must humbly recognize that we are not perfect, nor are we supposed to be. But we are supposed to try.
PS: Rashi also mentions that Yitro had six other names, including "Reuel," which means "a friend/fellow of God." This name gives a whole other meaning to the commandment "Love your Fellow as yourself," as well as Rabbi Akiva's dictum that this commandment encompasses all of Torah.
For a practical guide to Rebbe Nachman's teachings, check out "Crossing the Narrow Bridge," available at ModernJewishHome.com, here.
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